Author Archives: yolanda

Horse Spirit

Today was a non-ordinary day.  I couldn’t get to sleep at all last night; I felt tired, but when I went to bed I wasn’t and laid for hours thinking and receiving.  Not stressing, just lots going on.  This morning I looked online for information about solar flares and there were several M class and one X class flares last night and today.  I experience these as they happen, as though my senses are heightened and more reality is perceivable, not just when the radiation reaches our atmosphere.  I’m sure this is the case for many other people.

Around mid-morning I started to update this blog.  The first post I wrote was about Entities and Grief and as I wrote the word “wagtail” a robin flew in the open cabin door. That’s never happened before, a bit unusual but possibly just a coincidence.  I finished that post and as I started to write this one and put together the slideshow with the photos of Oscuria a second bird, a wren this time, flew in the cabin.  She came right up to the desk where I’m sitting and then flew out the door.  What is happening with the birds today?

I was in a slightly heightened state, but there were things to get on with.  Around 2.30pm we sat down to lunch, when a car came up the track and Oscuria’s owner, Luis, got out and asked to see me.  He wanted to know if I could help his brother who has been depressed, paranoid and weighed down with grief and sadness for the past 10 years and he thought it was some bad energy.  What are the chances of that?  Especially given the experience I’d just had with Entities and Grief.  This is how the Dog Shaman works, working with the animals (and plants)  to bring the pieces together so they can be healed.  Luis said he would bring his brother by.

This  adventure began one morning in early June of this year.  We were walking back to the cabin when Dexter went on alert and headed to the woods next to our field.  He would not come back, which was usually only the case if he’d caught a whiff of a bitch in season, but this was a different kind of alert.  I went back after him and just as I got to him a horse walked out of the woods.

Dexter had a thing about horses. We used to walk sometimes on Wimbledon Common in London and we had to stop because he thought it was the greatest fun to chase the horses, but we didn’t think their riders would find it so amusing. We’d rented a holiday cottage in Cornwall before we left the UK and there was a horse in the field next door.  Dexter and the horse had the greatest game, as the horse would come up to the fence and whinny and snort at Dexter who would then chase it and the horse would run – but there was a fence between them and that morning there was no fence!

I grabbed Dexter and Dean grabbed Riley and we headed for the cabin, across the field and through the woods, but the horse just followed us.  She was very beautiful and well looked after and she followed us all the way home and wouldn’t leave.  Dexter was beside himself was excitement, Riley was scared and Izzie just barked and barked and the horse was as calm as anything.  She waited patiently outside the gate.

Dean thought he’d better go and ask around and see if anyone had lost a horse.  We had never seen a horse in the neighbourhood before.  He drove off and suddenly I started to feel really uneasy and tried to call him back, but he didn’t hear.  I tried to phone him, but no signal.  I was worried that the horse had tried to escape because she was unhappy and Dean was going to let her owners know where she was and she might not want that.  As it happened, Dean was just having a very unsettling experience with neighbours a kilometre away who seemed to be straight out of the Texas chainsaw massacre.  They had dogs chained up by wrecked cars and piles of junk machinery and when he asked them whether they’d lost a horse the guy came up to the car and made a throat cutting sign across his neck and told Dean, “Muertos porcos, seis.”  He checked his fingers to see if he was holding up the right number and said, “Chorizo muy rico.”  Dean got out of there and came straight home, but the dogs really bothered him.  That’s the only thing we don’t like around here, the way some people treat animals and dogs in particular.

We decided to have a chat with the horse and ask her what she wanted. She told us quite clearly she wanted something, nodding her head up and down vigorously when we asked, but we couldn’t figure out what it was.  She was so careful, standing outside the fence in the vegetable patch, but she never disturbed a thing.

A couple of hours later a guy came walking up the track looking for her.  He introduced himself as Luis and said that Oscuria had run away from his brothers place in the nearest village.  He didn’t say why she ran away, but she seemed happy to see him and they went off together.  Later he came back and brought us the hugest lettuces ever from his brother’s garden.

The next day, Marcos the barman told us that Luis had sold the horse to a man in Monforte because he couldn’t afford to keep her.  We wondered whether that was why she had come to us, because she didn’t want to go to Monforte, but Goddess knows we didn’t want a horse.  I liked the idea of going for nice rides through the countryside, but fencing in a field would be a huge expense and we really don’t want to own a horse. We worried about her for a while, but she communicated telepathically that she was fine.  Somehow we knew that we would see her again.

Today Luis asked me if I rode.  I used to, but I haven’t in many years.  Apparently he didn’t sell her and she is still at his brother’s place just up the track and he said I could ride her whenever I wanted.  I like the idea, but mostly I like the idea of seeing her again and working together in the invisible world.

Unusual encounters with animals are a signal to pay attention.  It’s as though we are suddenly tripped into a different reality in which life feels like a dream.  Which it is, of course!


Entities and Grief

Over the past few weeks my sadness and grief over Dexter’s death has been getting worse and worse.  I was overcome with heaviness and tiredness, I was tearful and had stabbing pains in my heart and developed back ache.  These can be symptoms of entity attachment, but I didn’t realize it at first, not until I saw the white bird on the roof yesterday.

Galician wagtail

Galician wagtail

The bird is a wagtail.  We don’t see them often here.  (Just as I typed this a robin flew in the cabin, this has never happened before either.  I’ve let him out the window, but now I’m wondering what the birds are communicating.)  There were two wagtails here, a pair.  In the sunlight I recognised it as the same species that I saw on the roof of the rented house that helped me clear Dexter’s entities for the first time.  The question burst into my mind: did I have entities?

In the predawn in between time when I was in bed, not quite awake and not quite asleep, I realized that my grief had attracted something “other”.  I asked for its name, “Juan Jose” it said.  So, laying in my bed with Dean and Tulku next to me and Riley at my feet, I told Juan Jose that he needed to leave, that this wasn’t the place for him.  Nothing happened.

How do I clear myself of entities, I mused.  Is this even possible?  I needed help.  The image of Dexter inviting me into the woods popped into my mind and Tulku groaned and wriggled closer.  Was it possible for them to be connected?  Tulku was only three months old and I didn’t want to risk harming him, but the spirit of the dog shaman flows through him and Dexter is working with us in the nagual, the invisible world.  I asked Tulku if he was ready and he rolled over onto his back and groaned again.

I saw the thread that linked Tulku and Dexter and tild Juan Jose to follow it, that I understood why he was here, but that this wasn’t where he was supposed to be.  Nothing happened.  I could still feel his invisible weight clinging to my heart.  We needed more help – who would help?

Suddenly Oscuria appeared in my mind.  “I’ll help,” she said.  She didn’t need to do anything; she just showed up and suddenly Juan Jose was gone.  perhaps he had a connection with horses.  But the physical ache in my  heart didn’t shift.  Was there some one else there?

“Who are you?”

“Mari Carmen” came the reply.

My mind was suddenly flooded with images of the lost souls of the Franco years.  “Disappeared” fathers and sons leaving wives and mothers, like Mari Carmen, withering away in the desert of unknowing, unable to leave even after death.  I felt her sadness and knew that my sadness over Dexter had attracted her and that now I was feeling her sadness and grief too.

Mateu had told us about a friend who is visiting who is active in an organisation that scours the country, locating and exhuming the remains of people murdered by the Franco regime so that their relatives can give them a proper burial.  Somehow, this tenuous connection through my consciounsess and my own feelings of sadness, brought Mari Carmen to me.  I sensed her desolation and exhaustion, but I was also able to separate her feelings fro my own.  My grief for Dexter diminished with the realization that so much of our relationship continued after his physical death.  With that, her attachment to me faded and Oscuria led her away.

The next morning the pain in my chest was gone, along with the sadness and tiredness that had weighed me down.  Lost souls are attracted to grief and sadness because it is the experience they held with the greatest intensity when they were alive and it is all they remember and they are afraid to let it go and face oblivion.  It is up to the living to let go our grief and sadness so that we can all find peace.




Entities and Illness

By the beginning of March 2013 I was questioning everything.  Dexter was not getting better.  We kept looking for signs of recovery and focusing on any positive aspect of his health that we could find; that he still had a healthy appetite, that the sore lump on his wrist was healing and that his other lumps had mostly gone.  I focused continually on creating the reality of health and wellness for him and it was using all my energy – I was exhausted.

(I did not know at this time how to co-create with the Wisdom Goddess.)

A week into March Dexter went into steep decline.  Suddenly he couldn’t walk unassisted.  When we helped him up he collapsed after just a few steps.  He didn’t even want to go for a walk, for the first time ever, and the light had gone from his eyes.  He was in terrible pain and I couldn’t bear to hear the crunching of his hips when he tried to walk.  He wasn’t eating and hadn’t gone to the loo in days.  The constipation was a real concern.  We increased his pain medication (Previcox) to one a day and we were beginning to wonder whether it was the beginning of the end.  This was something we dared not speak of.  We shared the burden of that thought through worried glances – we didn’t want to say it out loud.

I still felt that I was missing something, but what?  How do you search for the unknown?

One sunny day, I called my friend Liz back in London.  I remember hearing a hawk calling over the ridge, but I couldn’t see it when I looked outside.

Liz always asked after Dexter’s health and her words are burned into my memory forever, “Are you sure it’s not an entity?”

Time stood still in that moment.  I hadn’t had much experience with entities, but I was aware they existed and I knew people I trusted who had encountered them.  Liz went onto say, “When Sparky’s spine sagged, it was always because of entities.  The animals take them on for us you know.”

I knew with absolute clarity that Dexter had entities and they needed to be cleared. I can’t explain how I knew, but I had experienced the clarity of knowing something that had not been acquired through my normal senses and I knew what it felt like.  I didn’t know what to do, or how to prepare, but I also knew in that instant that preparation was irrelevant.

Dexter was lying in the garden.  I went out to him and asked for help.  AA Raphael and Baba Ji showed up.  I addressed the entity and told it to leave and go to the Light, that it did not belong here.  Nothing happened and I kept on telling it to leave, doing the shouty-command thing with arms outstretched. Then Dexter started shaking and thrashing around and I told him that it was OK to let it go, but it wasn’t budging.  This carried on for five minutes or more and I didn’t know what to do and felt desperate.  Without thinking I just happened to glance up at the roof and there was a small white bird, the size of a sparrow but completely white, on the apex of the roof.  On seeing the bird I felt a wave of compassion for the entity and I knew it didn’t now where to go.  With great tenderness I told the entity that the bird would show it the way.  At that the bird flew off, Dexter laid down and the dogs next door stopped howling.  Then he got up on his own and walked around the garden and had a great big dump – four days worth!

Dean came home to find Dexter wandering round the garden and I told him what had happened.  I’m never sure what Dean thinks about these things, his experience of reality is so different to mine.  But he won’t deny that Dexter was clearly better and stronger.  However, he was still edgy about coming into the house and I felt in a way that I can’t explain that something wasn’t right.  It felt to me as though there was some heavy energy around the front of the house – the air felt thick and it made my head foggy.  It hasn’t been confirmed by other sources, but I described it as an energetic portal.  I felt it might be why Carlos next door was mad!

Working on instinct, I made a rattle and programmed the frequency for Forgiveness into my laser and went around all the doors and windows, corners and every room telling whatever was there to leave and commanding the portal to be moved into the sky.  When I finished I asked that it be sealed from eternity to infinity.  In that moment there was a flash of lightening and a great clap of thunder.  Dean witnessed the thunder and then Dexter was OK coming into the house.

I thought it was over, but that night Dexter would not lie down and sleep.  He kept crying and howling and wouldn’t let Dean lie down.  He would only be quiet if Dean was standing up next to him – clearly he didn’t want Dean to go to sleep.  I remembered his role as Anubis, the gatekeeper and I realised that something was attaching to Dean and Dexter was protecting him and letting us know in the only way he could that something needed to be done.  What needed to be done?

Working on some barely remembered instinct I went through a cleansing with Dean.  I told what was there to leave, but it wouldn’t go.  This energy seemed to be clinging onto him because of some flawed sense of connection, an illusion of relationship.  By acknowledging the relationship I managed to get it to move down to Dean’s feet and then I closed Dean’s chakras and broke the connection and convinced it to leave.  Immediately after, we both saw the tiniest, brightest rainbow ever, glowing in the field next door.  It wasn’t raining and the whole house felt different, lighter and cleaner.

That afternoon we met some neighbours who knew the previous owners and I asked them about the house’s history.  They told us that the son of the previous owner had committed suicide there a few years back.

After that, Dexter went from strength to strength.  His appetite and his life force returned and he enjoyed a glorious retirement after we moved to our new home in May of that year.  I think Dexter would have died in that rented house if I hadn’t been able to free him from the entity and I suspect that happens to more people than we might think.  These ‘lost’ energies are everywhere.  I think of them as memories and energetic interference that gets left behind in the trauma of death.  (The template for this was set up when the Aeon Sophia plunged from the pleroma and unintentionally created the archons.)  Some of these energies are malevolent, if the living person they had been part of was evil, while others are just lost or confused.  I suspect that when people do everything possible to recover their health when they have a chronic illness and they don’t get better, that it might be because they have an invasive energy feeding on them.  We are not meant to get sick and die from these diseases like we do.

The key symptom of entity attachment with Dexter was sudden collapse.  He would be walking along, seemingly normal, and suddenly his legs would give way and he would fall to the ground face first – it was awful to see.  It didn’t happen so much after we moved to the finca, because we are off the beaten track and we hardly see any people.  But it did happen on occasion.  It finally dawned on me that he was attracting the entities so that I could send them on their way.  Not evil entities, just lost souls.  So we carried on doing this whenever necessary for the rest of his life.

In October 2014, I thought we’d adjusted reasonably well to Dexter’s death, but I gradually became overwhelmed with tremendous grief an sadness.  Even Tulku couldn’t cheer me up.  Yesterday we saw a white bird on the roof here and I suddenly questioned whether I had attracted and entity.  How could I clear it without Dexter?


doggiesingardenxmas2012Dex, Riley, Izzy Pousadela