Author Archives: yolanda

The Luminous Child

Fierce Loyalty to the Luminous Child

“You are mistaken, blind one. There is an immortal Child of Light who came into this realm before you and who will appear among your duplicate forms, in your simulated world. . . . Humanity exists, the root anthropos, and the offspring of the human strain exists. . . And in the consummation of all your works, its entire deficiency of truth will be revealed and dissolved by this luminous Child.”

John Lash metahistory.org quoting from the Nag Hammadi

Riley was supremely loyal, more so than any other dog we ever had.  Her recall was pitch perfect; even if she was chasing something and we called her, she would reel around and come straight back.  People used to admire this quality in London on the common, as though we had trained her so well.  We hadn’t, this was simply her expression of what was important to her.  Without the guiding framework of the Sophianic Narrative, Riley’s loyalty is just the ordinary loyalty of a dog to her pack and that is beautiful enough in itself.  The Story allows me to put the pieces together in such a way that it reveals the greater Beauty of her life and strengthens the canine-human bond, which is one of my aims in writing this blog.  In fact, it is due to living in the Story that I was able to experience a dew-drop sweet moment of shared awareness with Riley the day before she died, on the first anniversary of Dexter’s death.

A little background here:  I had always found it more difficult to ‘read’ Riley than our other dogs.  Dexter could always tell me what he wanted really clearly and I knew that I was helping him right up to the day he died.  (There were two phases in which he refused my help, one in London when a psychic helped us through and then again on the day he died.)  With Riley I was never that sure that I was helping her, or whether she was just pleasing me.  She always said she was fine.

On the 6th of August, Riley came with me when I went to the woods to talk with Dexter.  I still miss him, but the pain over his passing has gone and I now feel immense gratitude for having known him and especially for bringing us here, where we finally came to know the Wisdom Goddess.  I had an unresolved issue at the time of Dexter’s death and that issue was unconditional love.  People say that dogs are here to teach us unconditional love, but that never rang true to me.  I couldn’t get to what the issue was in the weeks and months after Dexter died and gradually forgot about it.  As I thought about it again, my unspoken question was answered in an unfolding of awareness that moved through me and Riley in split-second synchronicity.  Almost before I could hold the thought and with the closest shared mind connection we had ever had up to that moment, Riley got up, nuzzled me and walked away.  I felt as though I had finally grasped something important from her perspective.  Looking back, I realise that is when she knew she could leave.

This is what I heard in that moment:

“I give you dogs to always reflect your Beauty, even when you cannot see it yourselves.”

This was a message from the Aeon Sophia, transmitted via the love that burned between Riley and me.  Riley loved me and Dean because of her love for the luminous child that Sophia endowed in all dogs.

In the Gaia Mythos the luminous child is the pre-existent, pre-terrestrial emanation of the anthropos, the human animal, that is the seed for all our potential.  Our dogs always see and love this potential glowing in us.  To describe this as unconditional love is a failure to recognise love, because all love is unconditional, or else it’s not love at all.

Riley embodied a fierce love and loyalty to the luminous child she saw in us and she reflected that Beauty back at us, to her least breath.  She never faltered in her mission to ensure that we never forget that we are the Luminous Children of the Wisdom Goddess.  When your dog greets you with enthusiasm after a long day and wants to play, remember that this is not just because he/she loves you; she also sees all your potential in every moment.

Be the person

Goodbye Grandma

Tulku took Riley’s death hard too.  He tried to get her to play and pawed at her as she lay in her grave before we buried her.  He spent the whole of that day and most of the next sitting by her grave – heartbreaking.  He didn’t understand what had happened to Grandma and he was grieving.

He thought she had left because of something he had done or not done. He asked me: why didn’t she love him enough to stay?  Was he not big and strong enough?    Riley taught Tulku how to play without going for the jugular, which is his natural instinct.  He was a little shit winding her up so that she would growl and snap at him when she wanted to rest, and for him it was a great game.  He thought of her as a mate and for her he was a little whippersnapper to be knocked into shape if he was going to be Dexter’s successor, but they played hard together and loved it.

He is still confused and, just like Dexter was after Kiss died, reluctant to take on his new responsibilities.  He sat in the woods and watched us working in the food forest, ready to run down if needed, just like Riley taught him.  Then today, izzy took him off to play.  He is still just a year old and he will bounce back quickly.

The Death of Riley

Today, the day after the first anniversary of Dexter’s death, we lost Riley.  It was sudden and unexpected.  When I look back I can see that she seemed a little tired and that she wanted to lay outside on the earth, but I had no idea she was ready to go.  She got up easily this morning as she always did – she always seemed to want to go out for the morning walk so that she could get her breakfast after.  She loved her food.  This morning she ran and played, rough and tumbled with Izzy and Tulku as usual.  She deflected Tulku from bundling Izzy, as she always does and then they heard something and all three took off through the woods.

Tulku lost Izzy and Riley and came back to us and then went running off to find them.  About 10 minutes later Izzy and Riley came back and we sat in the woods for a bit and then headed back to the cabin.  Riley sat in front of the door on the verandah and felt a bit shaky. I asked her if she was OK and she said yes, as she always did and I went inside.  But she wasn’t alright.  Jon saw her keel over and called me out.  I held her as she tried to sit up again and soothed her and she died in my arms.  I tried to give her mouth to mouth for a few minutes as I felt her last gasps, but I knew it was her moment to go.

Riley was the most loyal dog we ever had; the most dedicated to reflecting our beauty back, as the Aeon Sophia told me in the woods yesterday.  She nuzzled me in that moment and left, looking back over her shoulder so poignantly, after I received that message.  It was as though her work was done.

She had also trained Tulku thoroughly; taught him how to play without having to win and how to be a bit gentle with Izzy.  Riley saw that we now have a pack, with Jon and Dorota, that we are safe and loved.  I think she wanted to join Dexter, who was the love of her life.

The timing of her passing is uncanny.  This is the signature of the love story that held these two beautiful creatures together.  Riley grieved for at least five weeks after Dexter died.  I think she would have gone there and then if we hadn’t got Tulku, although she wasn’t keen on him at first and we called her Grumpy Grandma.  He learned very quickly that it was easy to rile her up, but that she would never hurt him.  (More of that in Tulku’s Story.)   There was enough of Dexter’s thread in Tulku for her to keep a hold on her life at that time and her sense of responsibility kicked in; he needed to be trained to be Dexter’s successor and nobody could do it but her.  Ultimately, it was not enough to keep her here.  Her sense of longing for her mate grew stronger and she gently let go of the threads that kept her here.  I felt Dexter’s name on my lips with her last breath.

NB: I also got stung by wasps a couple of weeks ago, just like I did a couple of weeks before Dexter died.  So much still to learn.

 

Anniversary

Today is the first year anniversary of Dexter’s death.  I still miss him, but with a sense of gratitude for his life, rather than grieving for his death.

I went into the woods he loved and where I still felt his presence.  As the memories welled up with great tenderness, Riley comforted me, licked me and then left.  Tulku stayed next to me as I laid on the ground under the pine trees.  In that moment I learned that the loyalty of dogs, their unconditional love is not just to their owners, but to the idea of the Anthropos.  The Aeon Sophia dreams dogs into the world as an enduring reminder of Her love for us.

Closing the door on conventional medicine

IF YOU ARE A DOG OWNER AND HAVE BEEN ADVISED THAT YOUR DOG NEEDS CRUCIATE LIGAMENT SURGERY PLEASE CONSIDER WHETHER THIS IS YOUR BEST OPTION.

There have been very few studies that compare surgery with non-surgical options in terms of the overall health and mobility of your dog and it is often just assumed that surgery is the only option. Surgery is never without implications and a more conservative approach will always leave you with more options later. In many cases the joint will heal and become stable with the proper support during healing.

This is how Dexter led us away from the medical system and slammed the door behind us.

Dexter was a big strong dog.  He weighed 50kg and he loved to run.  It was a great pleasure to see him run through the woods, leaping over trees and being so attuned to the land that he didn’t even have to look where he was going.  When he started to limp on his right hind leg and didn’t want to run, just before Christmas 2009, we knew it wasn’t just a strain.  The standard veterinary advice is to keep him on the lead for 10 days and we did that, more or less, but he didn’t improve.  So we took him to the vets.  Dexter was so patient.  He hated the vets, but he went along with it with no resistance and our local vet immediately referred us to an orthopaedic surgeon.

At that time my telepathy was not so well developed.  Telepathy between living animals is experienced through the electromagnetic field of the heart.  The brain simply decodes the signals, just like it does for all the other senses.  That’s why telepathy is so much stronger between people and animals who are in a close relationship with each other.  Dexter and I were very close, but I was still trying to convince him to go along with what I thought was best for him, rather than asking him what he wanted.  The truth of it was that I didn’t know what to do and because he was in so much pain, we turned to the experts, just like we were programmed to do.  However, something happened.

The examination room in January was as cold and grey as the surgeon.  He grabbed Dexter by the waist and made him yelp in pain and told us that he was just performing a normal examination and that Dexter was a wimp (more or less).  He then diagnosed an anterior cruciate ligament injury and told us that he needed surgery. This surgery would require drilling and putting a plate in his leg, it would be five months recuperation in a cage and he might get back 80% mobility at best.  Something in the arrogant assumption of the surgeon that we would go ahead and perhaps the faintest whiff of the archontic infection in him (although we didn’t know what that was at the time) made us both recoil as though he’d thrown us a rotten kipper.  I said, “No thank you, we’ll find another option.”  The surgeon told us we would be back, because there was no other option and I said, “I don’t think so.”  We couldn’t get out of there quick enough.

That encounter in the examination room was one of those occasions when you come up against the archontic machine and see it for what it is – that is something completely against nature that is pretending to help you while it actually intends you harm.  The vet was the human-like user interface of the medical system, but he was nothing more than a highly educated and well-paid automaton.  It’s much easier to spot the dehumanized now, after that experience.

Our decision to find another way was not rational at that point, we didn’t have any skills or experience in dog physiotherapy!  However, we instinctively we felt that if there was a five month recuperation period after the operation, we would do the recuperation before and see if we could avoid the operation.  We did lots of research and Dexter’s regime began on 11th February 2010.

It included:
– two 10-15 min walks a day on lead
– hydrotherapy twice weekly
– pulsating electro-magnetic field therapy
– daily low-level laser therapy
– supplements

It was hard initially, as after only 10 mins slow walking on the lead, Dexter would come home and lie on the couch almost comatose. But, after a couple of weeks, we could see him getting stronger and we became more confident in what we were doing.

We scoured the internet and found huge support, enough to give us confidence in our approach at tiggerpoz This site is a brilliant resource that aggregates data from many sources on canine cruciate ligament injuries and treatment. It contains far more information than I’ve got here and if you have a dog with a knee injury and are considering surgery, please check this out before you commit your dog to what might be unnecessary (and expensive) pain and suffering. It also draws attention to the fact that there is very little scientific evidence in support of this surgery, hardly anything in the way of follow-up studies and that dog owners are being mislead into thinking this is the only or best option.

By the 26th March 2010, it was hard to keep him on the lead as he was so strong. He went onto two 45 min walks, partially off the lead and barely limped, even after his walk.

On the 4th July 2010, almost five months to the day after we took Dexter to the specialist, we decided that it was time for Dexter to be freed from his brace. Over the preceding few weeks we had left his brace off for some of his walks, sometimes he had seemed a bit tired and we didn’t want to overdo it.

Over a period of four weeks we gradually reduced the amount of time he kept his brace on for exercise. We started taking the brace off on the last leg of the walk back to car park, then half-way through the walk, then for the whole walk in the mornings whilst keeping it on for half the afternoon walks etc.  On the 10th July he leapt out of the car to chase a squirrel. His recovery was complete and amazing.

We bought Dexter’s brace from Woundwear in the US, as we couldn’t find anything like it in the UK. I had to make several adjustments to the brace as the swelling went down on his leg – including the thickened stifle (knee joint) returning to normal – and when he broke some of the ring connectors as he became so much stronger and pulled to hard on the lead. We only used the brace for exercise outside, not in the house at all, but it has made a significant contribution to his recovery. He accepted it immediately and it meant he could enjoy his walks, which are so psychologically important, without setting back his recovery.

Dexter had some arthritis in later years, but he never had any problems with the knee joint again.  Neither did he have any problems with the other leg and we’ve met many dogs who had one leg operated on, only to have to have the other leg operated on a year or so later because of overuse.

From that moment on I became very wary of the veterinary and the medical profession and the more I’ve looked into it the more I feel justified in that approach.  The key learning for me through this process was that it is precisely at the moment of need that the solution arises – in any situation.  We did not consider ‘going it alone’ with his recovery until we were confronted with something that was completely unacceptable to us and we had to find another way.  This is human inventiveness in action, but you never get to discover it in yourself if whenever you have a problem you go to some one else for a solution.  I’m very grateful to Dexter for that lesson, which has proven its value many times over.

 

 

Releasing trauma

We had a retreat here last Equinox and I’ve only recently understood what happened.  We had an all-night vigil leading up to the Equinox sunrise, working with sacred plants.  I had the extraordinary experience of having my body do some kind of yoga exercises, or so I thought, before going into involuntary spasm.  I was outside most of the night while this was going on.  My shamanic senses were awake and I noticed the trees rustling and the dogs starting to bark before my body went into spasm – I could feel the telluric currents of the Earth and how everything was tuned into them.  It was a wonderful feeling, delicious and sometimes causing me deep belly laughs. At other times it was as though every organ, muscle group and cell in my body was getting its own vibratory massage.  I felt so amazingly relaxed after and knew that the Earth had given me some amazing healing.

When I started planning for our next retreats, I decided to go back and explore this experience more thoroughly.  I knew, from my kinesiology training, that the psoas muscle was involved and that it tends to hold onto emotional experience and trauma, so that was my first stop.  I was amazed to discover that there is a whole new paradigm of trauma release, with exactly the same exercises that came to me at Equinox.  It is no longer sufficient to treat trauma and PTSD on a one-to-one basis, as we now have whole communities, even countries that are traumatised.  These exercises are very easy, anyone can do them and teach them to others and they always work.

They work because there is no escaping trauma in life, so we are endowed with the ability to experience it and recover from it, just like all the other animals.  We have just forgotten how to let go and release as a physical action, so the trauma stays in our minds and in our bodies.  We talk about ‘cellular memory’ but ignore the fact that cells are physical!  Of course we can, and do, affect our bodies with our thoughts and feelings.  We all know how the immune system is especially vulnerable to critical self-talk and negative feelings, but if it was that easy to turn this around wouldn’t we have done it already?

It is that easy, we just haven’t been approaching the problem in the right way.  Trauma, stress and many so-called psychological problems are maintained in the body and the mind is consistently drawing our attention to what needs to be released in the body. When this doesn’t happen our minds begin to alter our sense of self in order to be consistent with the physiological changes and chemical changes our bodies experience as the result of the contraction from prolonged stress and tension.  This in turn changes our neurophysiological structures and our entire experience of ourselves in the world changes.  Our reality changes and we begin to create our future experience according to this limited reality.  We cannot ‘let go’ of something, or release tension, just by thinking about it.  That’s one reason why talking therapies have limited results.

In this video David Berceli explains how he discovered this process and how he has used it in his work as a therapist specialising in PTSD.  It is an excellent video, in which he also goes through the exercises in a group setting and in real-time so you can follow along.  I followed the process again and I had a similar result as for the Equinox, not quite as intense and with slightly different shaking movements, but the end result was the same – a wonderful feeling of relaxation and release.

This time, I did the exercises with conscious awareness, as opposed to the spontaneity of the Equinox experience.  After the Equinox, I felt great and relaxed, but I didn’t know that it was because I had released trauma from the distant past.   I was homeless for a while and in an abusive relationship as a teenager, now ancient history.  However, with the conscious release came the realization for me, that my ‘corporate career’ was in reality a reaction to this trauma.  The physical abuse over several years forced me into a different identity that was contracted and limited; I could only perceive the world through the lens of survival and material things.  I was lucky, I was able to survive and thrive in that existence.  It was only when I began to question, “Is this it?” that Sophia sent Dexter into my life and the contracted me began to spin out and expand.  This realisation gave me psychological closure on any residual trauma and also opened another door – is trauma preventing people from experiencing the magic?

I am working on this assumption for our Beltane Retreat.  We are all capable of telepathy, clairaudience, lucid dreaming and so much more, but we are not able to access these faculties when our bodies are contracted.  We cannot experience freedom in contracted bodies. Experiencing trauma is essential to the shamanic experience, as we can’t experience the fullness of life without getting out of our comfort zone and this can be traumatic.  We are designed for that, we are amazingly resilient; we just need to remember to release the trauma, to shake it off and move on so that we can perceive the magic that is all around us.

Telepathy

I’ve just read a wonderful book called Straight from the Horse’s Mouth, by Amelia Kinkade. Amelia is a celebrated animal communicator and her book explains the exercises and practices she uses and contains many anecdotes of validated communication. All animals are telepathic, including dogs, including humans. We have just forgotten how to use our telepathy and I say this from my own experience.   I got so wrapped up in my telepathic communication with Dexter, that I more or less forgot about communicating with our other dogs and forgot the reason why this is all so important!

It is an amazing experience to be able to communicate with our animal friends. It can be traumatic too and Amelia is very clear on that point. She makes clear that the extent of your ability to communicate with animals correlates more or less directly to you ability to withstand pain and suffering, because as you drop the barriers to communication you receive more information and a lot of it is hard to bear. As a species we are not kind to animals and many animals are crying out in anguish and despair and often there might be nothing we can do to relieve their suffering. So why open up your awareness to something you can’t do anything about? Like Amelia says, “If not you, than who?” Sometimes we can help. She explains techniques that are like fire-fighting, going in, locating the problem, fixing it as best you an and getting out as quickly as possible so you can live to fight more fires another day!

But it isn’t just about helping them.  I could write a book just on what I learned from Dexter regarding natural healing and that would barely scratch the surface of what he taught me. Healing was just one of the layers we needed to work through, like removing layers of dross hiding a shining pearl of wisdom. Dexter led me to Sophia, the Goddess of Wisdom. You could also call Her Mother Nature, or just nature or life even, because we do not exist beyond Her atmosphere. In so doing, he showed me that the reason for communicating with non-human animals is not just to help them, which is a good enough reason in its own right, but because they can teach us how to get our own lives back on track.

As human animals we have a great weakness for self-delusion, it is the flipside of imagination. So we can convince ourselves that life is good, never noticing how trapped we are; living in a box, working in another one, watching the box, listening to a box, talking into one, eating out of yet more boxes, popping pills out of little plastic boxes and eventually being buried in one! To live so cut-off from nature is not without consequences and we have become sick, weak and scared. Our natural instincts have become dull and we cannot take care of ourselves anymore. Most of us do not know how to grow our own food, build any kind of rudimentary shelter, or take care of our basic health needs. Is this progress?

It is a monumental task to find our way out of this sorry mess and we have enemies actively working against us, but we also have the animals to guide us. When it comes to his or her needs and or desires an animal does not question whether he should or shouldn’t, whether it’s right or wrong or what anyone else will think about it – he just does it, or not! And after he’s done it, or not, he doesn’t spend any energy worrying about the consequences or judging himself. In other words, animals live wholly in the present moment. We can learn a lot from just observing them, but what about asking their advice?

Here’s one example: a year or so ago, I met Vasco.   Vasco was playing up a bit, breaking out of his field and chasing after a neighbour’s donkey. It didn’t take any special skills to work out that he was lonely and horny! Javier, Vasco’s owner, invited me over to have a chat with him and Vasco was as clear as anything. “I need to work with people, young people and the land. I am a therapy horse, but I don’t want to work with very sick people or very young people. I am here to teach people how to work with the land.” Vasco’s breeder told Javier that Vasco was a special horse when he bought him. Vasco knows about the land and how to work with it that we don’t and he wants to share.  That is very exciting!  Sometimes it might take a while for the path to emerge, but animals are very patient. Vasco now has a new friend, a neighbour’s daughter who is very sensitive, training to be a vet and also speaks fluent English. I think we might do something together with Vasco and some other friends next summer – maybe with Oscuria too.

Then there’s Izzy. I only have to think about getting the flea spray out and she runs away. It is impossible to pretend with her. Dogs are very accurate mirrors of our feelings and our true intent. They know if we lie to them even if we don’t know we are lying to ourselves. I remember how that feels. As a child I always knew when adults were lying to me, but I never knew why. It was many years later before I realised that they often didn’t know they were lying either. People are so used to repeating what they have been told, often with good intentions, that they lose sight of what is true. When we speak the truth our hearts, voice and mind are in alignment and we are vibrating with intent and dogs always respond to this energy.  They also let us know when we aren’t in alignment, by running away or ignoring us.  There are no bad dogs, but there are many owners who are not present in their own lives and this is what their faithful dogs are consistently reflecting back at them.

Communicating with animals telepathically involves recognising and decoding vibrations.  Everything is energy and every thought, every feeling has a vibration that is perceptible beyond our normal senses and we all decoded these vibrations without a second thought when we were children – until we were told that it was ‘just our imagination’.  Like imagination has no value, neatly stifling our faculties of telepathy and imagination in one swipe.  In reality, we still receive telepathic messages many times throughout the day.  (You thought those ideas that came into you head were your own?)  Animals never stopped communicating telepathically and when we enter into this world with them we bring back the magic and promise of our childhood.

Vasco and Javier

Vasco and Javier

The Tulku Test

The Tulku tradition comes from Tibetan Buddhism.  The Tulku, most often a young child, is considered to be the reincarnation of a previously self-actualised and revered person – a ‘holy man’ within the Buddhist tradition. The logic behind the system is that an accomplished being reincarnates as a Tulku to continue the dissemination of knowledge from his previous lives.  As an accomplished being he is able to access experiences from previous lives, which are retained in his ‘mindstream’

We ordinary mortals are considered to be unable to access information from past lives because we are stuck in the cycle of rebirth according to the karma of our unenlightened lives.  Hindus get multiple rides the wheel of birth, death and rebirth too. But if you are a Christian, Jew or Muslim you only get one go, before getting ‘judged’ and summarily dispatched to eternal heaven or hell.  All religions have nicely constructed control mechanisms to make us follow a set of rules with the promise of reward or retribution after death. If there was no ‘after life’ of any kind they would have had to invent it, because there is no evidence of a consistent reward system for good behaviour or punishment for the horrors that many humans inflict on each other and other living creatures every day.

However, the tulku test provides some evidence of reincarnation. This is one description of how a tulku is identified:

“The identification of a tulku was portrayed in the film Kundun, where monks disguised as peasants arrived at the future Dalai Lama’s home when he was a child of three years old. The monks were following clues provided by the thirteenth Dalai Lama — dreams, or information provided by oracles to find candidate children. Once children are identified they are examined for special marks or signs and their parents interviewed in regards to their moral character. Finally, a test is provided where the young child must identify items that belonged to his predecessor, picking them out from similar items. If he can do this correctly, he will be designated a tulku.”

The Quest for the Dalai Lama by Arnie Kozak, Ph.D.

For hundreds of years tulkus were always Tibetan, but since the 1970s they have been showing up on the west. According to Andrew Rawlinson, a former lecturer in Buddhist Studies at Lancaster University in the UK, writing in Global Buddhism  there are now about a dozen fully recognised western tulkus. One result of this expansion is that what goes on in the monastery no longer remains in the monastery and credible accounts of sexual abuse and corruption are emerging from Buddhist citadels, just as they are from other religions. See Kalu Rinpoche’s story here:

What if there are many tulkus in the world, but we just haven’t known to look for them or recognise the signs? I don’t think the Buddhists have any monopoly on tulkus or reincarnation. We are all animals on this planet after all. Our puppy Tulku, also passed the tulku test. His predecessor Dexter, an enlightened master for sure, guided us to him when he was less than three weeks old and even gave us his name. Dexter didn’t have any possessions, being a dog, but on the first day after we brought him home, when he was 6 ½ weeks old, Tulku ran straight over to Dexter’s grave, grabbed a pebble and brought it to me and dropped it at my feet. A couple of weeks ago, Izzy lost her collar playing out in the food forest. I went went out there with Izzy, Riley and Tulku to look for it and I said to Riley, “Go find Izzy’s collar.” Riley started looking around, but she didn’t know what she was looking for and barely was the though formed in my head, “If Dexter was here……..” because Dexter was the finder. He would find lost balls on the common, lost keys, even lost souls it turned out.  And then Tulku ran up with the collar in his mouth.

But I was still grappling with the issue of how could Tulku here now be Dexter reincarnated, while I am still talking to the Dexter who was here? I asked Dexter to answer this question for me and he came up with the answer, “We all have doubles.”  I’ll be exploring that issue in a later post.

 

Message from the Other Side

One early morning in late October, Dean was out on the common with Kiss and I was enjoying a lie-in with Dexter, when I felt some one take my hand and lift me out of my body. I don’t know whether I was asleep or awake, or somewhere in between, but it didn’t feel strange or frightening at the time. This being, and I knew he was a man, took me high enough to see the curvature of the Earth and there we hovered. As he held my hand I felt everything he was feeling; warm sun and rain on my face, laughter, orgasm and I thought, “Wow, is this was it is to be dead?” And for a moment I wanted to stay there, before I realised what that meant and came crashing back to me bed.

I had the frantic urge to scribble something on a scrap of paper to hand, before my eyes could even focus. Then I woke up. Oh my God. I had just wished myself dead! Why had I done that? I knew something had happened. Something had changed forever and I didn’t know what it was.

Dean came home to find me in floods of tears.  That’s not like me.

“What happened?” he asked.

“I don’t know. I just wished myself dead. Some one visited me.”

“Who visited you?”

“I don’t know. I think it was a dream, but it wasn’t.”

Dean understood ‘bad dreams’. I’d had terrible nightmares that woke me up screaming when we first met. He held me in his arms and I calmed down. Then I remembered the piece of paper.

“I wrote something down.”

I went to get the paper and scrutinized my illegible scribble – not great at the best of times. I explained to Dean what had happened and began to decipher the paper. It was clearly a poem, but it meant nothing to me.

As we sat there bemused, the phone rang, and instantly I knew what had happened. All the pieces came together like a holographic jigsaw puzzle and my mind was clear and silent. I had no doubts about what had happened and strangely, I had never felt more certain of anything in my life. It was our close friend Mandy on the phone and we had what must have been the strangest conversation of her life.

“Yolanda, something terrible’s happened. There’s been an accident and we can’t come to    your party.”

(We were having a birthday party for Dean in a couple of days.

“Mile’s best friend Greg died in a car accident in Cape Town last night.”

“Yes, I know.”

Silence. An audible intake of breath on the line.

“What do you mean you know? How do you know?”

“He visited me.”

“Who visited you? Greg? How could he have visited you? What do you mean?”

Her voice was getting squeaky and she was on the verge of getting angry and I had to spit it out.

“I can’t explain it Mandy. I have no explanation, but I have never been more certain of anything in my life; Greg visited me early this morning and he gave me a poem for Miles.”

“I don’t know what to say.” Said Mandy. “If it was anyone else apart from you I would tell them that they were full of shit and hang up. But why you? Why did he come to you?”

The only answer I had to that question was that I was the closest person to Miles who was open-minded enough to be able to receive the message.

We agreed that I would post the poem through their door later that morning and they could decide what they wanted to do. Mandy didn’t want Miles to get more upset than he already was and I assured her that I didn’t think the poem would do that. It was a message of comfort.

Miles and Mandy came to our party and Miles flew out the following morning to Cape Town for the funeral. He read the poem at the funeral and Greg’s mother came up to him after and asked him where the poem came from. Miles reluctantly told her. “Oh,” she said. “The same thing happened to me.”

This event threw me into turmoil; I had to abandon everything I thought I knew and start again.  A person who was dead had spoken to me very clearly. I had no doubt about that, no matter what my rational mind said. That feeling of knowing something with absolute clarity, that no one had told me and that I hadn’t perceived with my normal senses became my navigator. Within a couple of months I had left my job and begun my journey of exploration.

It was years before I realised that this event took place just a day or so after Dexter came to live with us. Did he open the door to the Other Side? More importantly, where exactly is this door?

Greg’s Poem

So here we are again my friend

Once more on distant shores

Beyond the reach of wire and web

My wandering is now done

 

I am here

My toes sink in the sand as

My gaze melts the snow on distant mountains

My fingers brush through the trees in winter

And you feel me in your shiver

 

And I know you are there

My light will burn forever in the rising of the sun and

The glow of exertion on your skin

You’ll hear my voice in the siren’s wail and

Feel my love in the smell of autumn

 

And share my song

Because I am everything and everywhere

At home in Heart’s desire

Individual Declaration of Independence

When we moved to Spain we unplugged from some of the darkest magic of the English language.  Every word has a vibration and a deeper meaning that feeds directly into our subconscious minds.  The words of our ‘inner critic’, created for us by the authority figures of our childhood, are the primary tools of our enslavement.  The enemies of humanity do not have the power to enslave us, the luminous children of Gaia-Sophia, but they can and have tricked us into consenting to our own enslavement.  This has been going on for millenia, with the pattern passed down the generations

A week or so ago, I realised that I wanted to make my own Declaration of Independence and proclamation of my sovereignty.  Words are powerful and speaking these words out loud, in the presence of witnesses changed something in me.  Initially, I felt giddy and excited, but also wobbly and unstable.  The system of contracts with its false reciprocity provides an illusion of stability that I had come to rely on unconsciously.  Freedom doesn’t come with a support structure, but it only took a few days to adjust.

Here is my declaration:

“I make this Declaration of my own free will on the eighth day of this Visvamata shift in the presence of three human witnesses and our Earth Mother.

I, now and from this time forth, declare myself to be a sovereign being and I proclaim my sovereignty.

I declare myself formally and of my own free will to be free of my baptismal vows.  I renounce these vows and I declare my sovereignty.

I declare myself formally and of my own free will to be free of any allegiance to any country, government, institution or belief system and all their agencies and temporal powers.  I renounce all such allegiances and I proclaim my sovereignty.

I declare myself formally and of my own free will free of any contracts made in the legal name assigned to me at birth.  I renounce all such contracts and I proclaim my sovereignty.

I declare myself formally and of my own free will free of any vows or contracts made in any previous or future incarnations.  I renounce all such vows and contracts and I proclaim my sovereignty.

I declare myself formally and of my own free will free of any allegiance to any false masters, archons, angels or entities, ascended or otherwise.  I renounce any such vows, contracts or allegiances and I declare myself free to pursue my own path.  I declare m sovereignty.

I declare myself formally and of my own free will free of any vows, promises or contracts to experience hardship, limitation, bad relationships, ill-health, financial hardship or anything in my life that is energy draining.  I declare myself free of all such agreements and I proclaim my sovereignty.

I declare myself formally and of my own free will free of any agreements, vows, promises or contracts and all back-up clauses, copies, mirrors and counter-copies or counter-agreements that prevented me from being my sovereign self in this or any other lifetime. I formally and of my own free will revoke any such agreements and I proclaim my sovereignty.

I reclaim all my energy that has gone into any of these agreements or contracts or any version of them or any copies, duplicates or counter-copies.  I proclaim my sovereignty.

I send all these agreements, contracts, vows, promises and all copies, duplicates, counter-copies or mirrors back to the Pleroma to be transmuted and I proclaim my sovereignty.

I declare myself free of all impacts, beliefs, perceptions, attitudes, identities or emotions related to these contracts, agreements, vows or promises and I proclaim my sovereignty.

I declare my independence and sovereignty as a human animal and from this time forth I declare and proclaim my right to determine my own path in Existence and I proclaim my sovereignty.

I am sovereign.”

I pricked my finger and pressed it into the Earth to seal the Declaration.